Twisty Inside

This image of a tree in Savannah, Georgia is a visual of how your insides feel when you are in the grip of grief. 

Tangled. Twisty. Gnarly. Messy.

The range of emotions, along with the intensity, makes your insides wrap knot upon knot — tighter and tighter. The abdomen clenches and a lump grows in your throat. Your mouth feels dry making it difficult to swallow.  And you wonder if this agony is for forever and if so, how will you live like this?

The detail about the tree you can’t see in the picture is that while the roots are exposed to harsh circumstances, the tree continues to grow. Sideways. Not up. It’s weathered and worn, grows to the side, but it grows. It is not stagnant. It’s not dead. It fought the wind and the rain that battered it and altered its growth pattern to survive. 

This tree has green leaves at the other end!

Our lives can take some vicious turns, thrusting us up against and right into our worst nightmare. Sorrow takes hold of our hearts and twists until it forces us to acknowledge the power it holds.

It’s then you realize the intense pain is here to stay — if you’ll let it.

In the book of Psalms, David cried out in his distress, time and time again. He is beseeching God to lift the burden of his suffering. Talking, praying, lamenting to his God who loves him. He puts it out there, unafraid to appear to be what others might suggest is “lacking in faith.”

No, David knows God cares for him and sees his struggles. He knows God will meet him right where he is — in his deepest agony.

It’s that kind of faith we should strive for. It’s that kind of relationship we should desire with our ABBA Father. Oh, to talk to him and open our heart without fear of rejection — that’s the relationship we should all lean into.

Freedom in Christ means we can cry out in our brokenness and throw our hands up in submission. Then we are free to lift them even higher in praise and worship. Baring our roots so He can mold us and grow us in His time and in His way.

The path may take a different direction than we expected it would, but we are safe and secure – even if our roots are showing.

Our Father already knows our pain, our hurts. It’s no surprise to him, and he desires that we bring it all to the foot of the cross. Leave our burdens there.