The Shell

At first glance, it’s a broken, abandoned shell of what it once was.

That could describe me many days.

But God!

He didn’t leave me. He won’t let me go. When I feel like the shell is too broken to be anything of use, He reminds me of the life still around me. It’s like the trail of green you see seeping through the boards of this barn. Life continues, even in the brokenness, even in loss. New life breathes in right thought the darkness and takes root, just when you thought the darkness was the only thing left.

Just like this barn, I’m not what I once was – I’ve changed. When my son, Stuart, went to heaven, a big part of me went with him. A large chunk of who I was, left me that day and in the days following. However, I have an amazing husband and incredible children and grandchildren still here. I love them all more than words can express, and I cherish every second with them. I am perfectly aware that taking that for granted is nothing short of foolish.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Anne Frank

While I’m no longer who I was, I am still who God intended me to be. I don’t pretend to understand His plan, and I don’t even like all of it, but He is God and I am Not!

I know He sees me! He knows where the cracks and crevices are, and I know only He can fill them. I trust Him to hold me and heal me.

Like that barn, some places in me are weak and not weight bearing. I’m learning to be gentle in those places, to lighten the load there, and allow myself to rely on Jesus to carry the weight for me.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
-Psalm 121:1-2

Have you experienced a loss that has changed you forever?

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