Surviving

Survivor Day or International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is a day set aside to pay special tribute to those loved ones who died by suicide. I wish I could look at this and scroll on by, but that is not my reality.

Truthfully, for each of us who loved and adored Stuart so much, this is like every other day. He is on our hearts, in our memories, and etched into who we are. He is an integral part of our lives, even if he resides in heaven.

With broken hearts, we live on and carry Stuart right along with us. Life would be so much sweeter if we could talk to him, hug him, argue with him (he was a lawyer after all), call him on the phone, or simply be near him. After five years, we have accepted that we will have to wait until God calls us home.

A death by suicide leaves loved ones in a complicated grief. It can be challenging to find peace when you have so many questions and no answers. 

For us, we know suicide isn’t a choice (you are welcome to your own opinion). It isn’t selfish, and it isn’t cowardly. Suicide is contrary to our basic survival instinct, so it goes against everything we do to take care of ourselves. Therefore, at that moment, when someone takes their life, it is obvious they were not thinking logically. They were incapable of coherent thought—for whatever reason that might be (it is different for everyone).

I’ve never been angry at my son for taking his life. I know him too well to be angry. He deeply loved his family, his life, and Jesus. I know without a doubt that he wasn’t himself, and he wasn’t thinking with clarity. It breaks my heart, but it doesn’t make me angry.

Having gotten to know so many survivors, I know that every story is as different as the person who died. Every loved one handles their loss in their own way and the best they can. As I have gotten to know so many survivors, and through them, their loved one who died, I can tell you suicide knows no boundary. It affects the rich, the poor, the middle class. It happens to highly intelligent people as well as the uneducated. It touches the lives of people on drugs and ones who have never touched drugs in their lives. It happens in your city, community, neighborhood, and even in your church. It happens to Christians, and it happens to those who don’t know Christ. 

It.Can.Happen.To.Anyone.

Even the one right next to you.

I pray it never does. I hope you go your whole life and never know this kind of sorrow. 

But if you do, please know there is hope. Jesus is our hope. He never leaves us alone in our suffering. There may be times when you can’t feel Him, but He is there. 

Please know that you are not alone. There are many resources for survivors of suicide. Reach out to get the support you need.

If you know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide—be there. Just be there. You can’t fix it, so don’t try. Platitudes don’t help, so skip it. A friend who sits quietly can be the best support for a hurting heart.

I never thought I’d survive one of my children. It isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. It’s a broken world full of broken people. Look to the One who keeps your tears in a bottle.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT

Resources

Feel free to connect with me on my blog – faithonthejourney.com

Survivors of Suicide (SOS) bereavement groups  – https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/find-a-support-group/

American Foundation of Suicide Prevention – asp.org

Allianceofhope.org

If you are in crisis:

Contact the Crisis Text Line by texting talk to  741741

Or