Pivot when you must

My mother needs to regain strength in her legs so she can pivot. If she can’t pivot, she can’t get in the bed without a machine that lifts her from the wheelchair and onto the bed. 

She can’t pivot!

There are so many times that a pivot can alter the trajectory of our lives. One. Little. Pivot. We don’t even require a full turn — just enough to get where we need to be at that time.

My life has had many such pivots. I don’t even recognize these small rotations unless I am resisting them. It’s when I don’t want to pivot — to shift my direction — that I see it so plainly. I grind my feet into the floor, fold my arms across my chest and refuse to budge. I prefer to stay right where I am, thank you very much.

I stand there bracing myself as if I have to withstand the pressure of change all on my own. Somehow, thinking God isn’t for me. Believing the lie, I am alone. Believing that He isn’t with me in every twist and every turn. Forgetting He goes before me!

Since losing my son, many changes have taken place. Some have been pivots. Many have twisted me inside out. Honestly, I have navigated them as best as can be expected given the effects of grief. Other times… well, not so great. Also, the result of grief!

What I’ve learned is to move when I can and wait when I must. Accept that sometimes stability (or what seems like stability) is what’s needed most. Recognize that I don’t have to be still forever, only for a moment, or maybe even a season. That’s okay. I’ll know when it’s time to pivot, to turn toward what’s calling me. I will.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10

When I fall to my knees and feel His presence, that’s when I am prepared to move. I can rest knowing I am turning toward Him and where He chooses for me to go and in His time. I didn’t need to push forward because others told me to “move on.” I inch my way along as my Father leads me.

I only pivot when my heart is open, and I hear that still, small voice tell me that now is the time. There are still moments when I grind my stubborn feet into the floor, fold my arms across my chest and wish I would never endure more changes. There are times when I take that corner wide and deep with tears streaming down my face pleading for things I know I can’t have. 

He loves me, and He is for me even in those times of struggle. I am His, and nothing can pluck me from His hand. Not even my own rebellious, sinful nature. 

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one
will snatch them out of my hand.

John 10:48 

I am grateful for the moments when I have my hand out to His, and I pivot with grace into His will. And I am also thankful that He is holding my hand even when I’m not reaching for it.

… fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10

My mother will require a bit of physical therapy to strengthen her muscles enough for her to pivot. Although she is refusing at the moment, I know that I will speak gently with her about why it’s necessary and she will hear the words from my heart. I know she will choose to pivot.

I will too.

Are you in a waiting season or do you need to pivot?