Missing Stuart @ Alabama Christmas

We are in Alabama for our annual “Alabama Christmas!” Our third without Stuart here. It doesn’t get any easier to be in a place he loved and enjoyed so much. I mean he LOVED our time here with family.

I’m torn between soaking in the memories of when he was here with us and being broken because he isn’t. I try to force myself to think he’s just busy and can’t come, but that would never have happened. Alabama Christmas is a tradition, and he was all about tradition.

I want to enjoy everyone who is here. That’s easy to do on a one to one scale but to go into the crowd that is our extended family is another matter altogether. There are many others who don’t make it from year to year but by their choice and for various reasons. They are sorely missed as well.

Knowing that Stuart will never be back is a sharp dagger to the heart. He just loved this so much. He was all about family and never wanted to miss this weekend with everyone.

This will be the third year that we will drive to his gravesite as our visit with him. It has been decorated for Christmas with a real tree, strung with those twinkling colored lights he loved.

It’s all messed up. I should never be visiting him there. He should be going there to visit me. This will always be wrong, upside down, and deeply painful.

I’m thankful for my faith, knowing I’m not alone. My God is always with me, even now while I stay behind while the crew meets for the traditional Saturday breakfast. I needed to stay behind this morning because the day will be full of togetherness. I needed a few moments to be alone with Jesus, to spend time with the One who knows and understands my broken heart without judgment.

He is my strength and my portion. I can sit with Him in the quiet and know Stuart is there sitting right next to Him.

My Hope is in Him. He is an anchor for my soul.

If you are grieving this season and find it ever so difficult – please know you aren’t alone. Do what you need to do to take care of YOU. Then you will be better able to care for the others you love. I’m here if you need someone to talk with.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you know someone who is grieving or having a hard time for any reason (and you do), be there for them. Support them in the way that is best for them (not you)!

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf..,
Hebrews 6 19-20