The heartbreak of missing our son, Stuart every day takes our breath away. It knocks us down and twists us into knots. Every. Single. Day.
Yet…
God has never left us. He has been here with us, holding us, giving us breath, pulling us up from the miry pit of grief, and softening our hearts.
“Now life will be a little less sweet, death a little less bitter.”
-Thomas Shepherd after the death of his wife (1700s)
We have a daily (often moment by moment) challenge to move through our pain. I will tell you from the bottom of my aching heart – it’s not easy.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! – Psalm 119:28
Before this devastating loss, I would’ve never known how to support someone who lost a child or who had suffered some tremendous heartbreak.
I have a little more insight now.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Stuart in his beloved Alabama (LA)
Stuart meant so much to so many people. I believe I knew him very well – in my relationship as his mom. Others have different experiences because they had a different perspective. His siblings – each has many similar memories, but some very different ones as well. His friends experienced Stuart in an entirely different way. He, like all of us, was multifaceted.
As a parent, I long to know everything about Stuart’s life when he wasn’t just being my son. His dad and I have been blessed by his friends, who loved him so much that they have a desire to both share “Stuart Stories” with us, but also hear some from us.
You might remember this post where I talked about meeting with one of his dear friends, Rob, for lunch. It was such a blessing and left us longing for more.
Well, God knows our hearts, and He tugged at the heartstrings of another of Stuart’s friends. He contacted us and asked to meet with us for lunch one day.
You don’t have to ask us twice!
We went to lunch with Owen last week and our time with him was such a sweet balm to our brokenness. Just as when we had lunch with Rob, it was cathartic to both my husband and me. We got to know Owen and Rob a little better and hopefully opened up a path for future relationships with both of them and their families. (Owen is about to be a dad for the first time!)
To hear how much Stuart meant to Owen and how Stuart’s love for Christ had impacted him, well, it melted me. I’m so very thankful for both of these young men for opening up to two people they only know as Stuart’s parents.
They were willing to become vulnerable to honor my son.
I can’t express how that touches me and how it fills in some of the raw crevices in my heart.
I do know my son well, and I know what this means to him. He would’ve done the same thing had the tables been turned.
And he would’ve wanted his friends to love on us the way they have. It makes my heart happy to know how thrilled he must be at the covering of love they have shown us. Stuart would love it! I can see his big smile and his bright blue eyes twinkling right now!
It says a lot about Stuart that his friends are so amazing! His beloved friend, Andrew, texts me and emails me often. He shares his heartbreak with me, his sweet memories, and he genuinely loves us. He always asks about Stuart’s girls and even had a lunch date with them in Nashville recently! Stuart must be beaming!!!
“For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you” (2 Corinthians 2:4).
Of course, you probably remember this post about his friends who have named their children after him. We often get updates and pictures of precious little Jane Stuart! I can’t tell you how my soul fills with hope when that email comes through with her little smile beaming across my computer!
So, if you know someone who has lost a dear one and you want to do something incredible for them – sit with them and share memories of their loved one. I promise you; it will bless you both. Tell them all the funny, sad, silly, unique moments you shared.
AND
If you didn’t know their loved one, no problem! Go ask them to share their stories with you. They would enjoy talking about their loved one and probably long for an opportunity to speak about them and keep their memory alive.
If you do, please let me know! Share your stories with me!
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. – John 16:22
I love your blog dear sweet friend! I want to share something that just happened to me. It has been 8 months since David died. Sometimes that day comes flooding back out of nowhere, and I feel the same panic, shortness of breath, and pain that I experienced when the phone call came from David’s pastor. David was in Mexico, serving with a group of students in the deep jungle. He became ill his second day there, and in two days he died suddenly. Well a few weeks ago, we were preparing to celebrate my son Aaron’s birthday and my birthday. We planned a sweet weekend together as a family, with some family portraits planned also. My husband said he was taking me away to a special place just the two of us. Well, he surprised me with a birthday and had invited many dear friends from around the country! One of the guests was David’s roommate Kyle! I had not met Kyle, but had received several texts from him since David’s passing. Kyle stood in front of me and stepped forward and gave me the biggest hug! We spent the next day talking with Kyle, and to say he is a special young man is an under statement! Sweet, Godly, and humble. He hurts and misses David. I feel a special bond with this young man, as I do to all of David’s friends. They have all become like our children, sons and daughters. I thank God for them, and for the comfort He provides in the midst of our deapest pain.