God Is Good All The Time

A tragedy will either make you declare this truth or for some deny it. It’s difficult to understand how such brokenness can occur, and God still be good. Of course, after a tragedy, it’s only human to feel lost, dejected, unseen, and unloved. 

After losing my son, Stuart, I cried out and threw a few tantrums. I simply couldn’t understand why this happened. I still can’t. The beauty in the ashes came when God met me there – in the tantrum, through the tears, at my lowest. This is why I can say God is good all the time.

He met me there!

More than any other time in my life, I felt the presence of The Holy Spirit. While the pain remained, His Light and Love sustained me. 

I know of many people who turned their back on God after such a tragedy. For me, that’s hard to imagine. If not for the Hope we have in Jesus, how does one go on? 

The sovereignty of God (which I write about in an upcoming essay) did not sit well with me right after Stuart’s death. How could I reconcile His sovereignty with the death of my child?

It took time, lament, prayer, and searching of the scriptures to come to a place of peace.

Of course, I still don’t like it. But I accept it.

Losing my son isn’t something I will ever “get over.” Even now, after seven years, the pain is tremendous. Most days, I move forward – always thinking of him – living on as I must. There are days that knock the wind out of me, moments even. A song plays on the radio and grips my heart, wringing it out and laying it bare. Those times take a lot out of me. Feeling drained of every ounce of energy, all I can do is allow it. Experience all the emotions. 

My heart is heavy as this day has arrived. Anticipatory grief has almost suffocated me for the entirety of March. I could feel April coming. Hiding under the bed doesn’t seem to be a good option, so I will move through the next days as I always do – with my eyes on Him.

God is good all the time.

    To you I lift up my eyes,  O you who are enthroned in the heavens.
                                                                                      Psalm 123:1 (ESV)

And of course . . .

     We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you.
                                                              2 Chronicles 20:12