Thank you for joining me here in this space, on this journey.
I am Faith. I am a Jesus follower — a saved by grace sinner. I am navigating a grief journey through hope. It’s messy here in the middle. My pilgrimage will only end when it begins — when I step into eternity.
My husband, children, and grandchildren are my heart. We have tasted the sweet honey that flows through loving, caring and nurturing the gift of family. Along with the sweet has come the bitter.
Our world shifted on its axis on April 1, 2014. Stuart, our firstborn,
died by suicide.
When he died, the beautiful tapestry of our lives turned inside out. The tangle of threads are ugly and exposed, yet they remain intermingled — still connected. I continue to see the beauty there — knotted and messy — but always intertwined. When we lost Stuart, it broke our family.
We are broken.
Breaking hurts, but I am not without hope. Hope is my anchor. It holds me steady, keeps me from drifting away when all I want to do is swim away as fast as I can. This Hope is how I take the next breath and the next and the next. Without my Hope in Jesus, I would not be here today. He is my Rock, and I stand on His word.
We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain
Hebrews 6:19
Does this faith take away my grief? No! However, it gives me hope that I will see Stuart again. I can rest in the Everlasting Arms; know that even if I don’t understand what’s happening, I can trust that God is holding me.
fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 40:10
Since my son died, there are many days when I don’t know if I can make it one more day. This is hard. This is every mom’s worst nightmare, and there is no escaping the pain. Every day I shake my head in disbelief. I verbalize that thought by asking, “How can this be true?”
But it is.
Often, I don’t know what to do to get through the day. I have this scripture posted throughout my house so I can see it even when I can’t feel it.
We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.
2 Chronicles 20:12
So why do I write? My hope is that I can bring some small amount of comfort to others who are hurting. If that is you, please know you are not alone. You are seen. You are loved. I am on this journey alongside you. I long to share a heart that is broken and vulnerable — yet sustained by faith.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may
be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Hi Faith, my name is Debbie…mother of Joshua.
Jeff gave me your blog, and I am enjoying reading your story.
This is a very impressive blog. It will take me a bit to get through the archives, but I plan on reading your journey.
My journey is still tough and painful. I lost my son 6/9/11, death by suicide.
He was 34 yrs old, with two beautiful children.
I’ve done 2-3 grief classses, classes on Parents of Suicide, the list goes on. So many books on grief, but I know that my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ will be the only one that can give me my life back, but I’m not there yet.