Death, loss, grief…it takes away a part of you; it changes you. The loss of our son has changed me. I will never be the woman, mom, wife, grandmother, daughter or friend that I once was. When Stuart went to heaven, part of me went with him. My hope would be that I can honor my son’s memory by living and loving to the fullest, without reservation, judgment or condemnation. I long to love big and to be love in a way that I may not have been before.
Sorrow can be all encompassing – if you let it take over. There is a weight to it. Sorrow can hold you in one place suffocating your joy, killing it.
Grieving is necessary when you have a loss this big – a son sized hole in your heart! You must grieve, you must experience the sorrow, or you will never heal to the point of living again.
If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~ Moliere
I’m two and a half years into this grief and some days it grips me like a vise and refuses to set me free until I’m exhausted with the depth and breadth of it. Then I exhale the breath I didn’t know I had been holding and suck deep to gather more and release again until I find a rhythm in my breathing.
And He will give it to you.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” – Isaiah 41:10
As the loss envelopes me into itself, suddenly I turn my head and see another of my children or one of my grands and – life! It pulls me from the depths and into thanksgiving and straight into joy. Smiles come to take the place of the tears, and the light comes back into my eyes. Life is happening all around me, and it’s beautiful. I laugh at the silly jokes my grands make and dance my whacky kitchen dance with them – joy.
Hope sneaks in and gently kisses my cheek. It dries my tears and draws me forward. Cleansing the raw, hurting places and allowing joy to pour into the aching caverns within.
Hope. Joy. Love. They fill my soul. If not, the next moment could never come. My sweet Jesus never leaves me, and He knows what my heart needs to keep beating.
He knows what you need too. He’s right there with you too. He’s there in whatever you hurt is, whatever your pain. We all have hurts, loss, and disappointments. We can’t escape it in this life.
He offers Hope. He offers healing. He offers forgiveness, grace, and mercy.
I acknowledge my struggle is not against flesh and blood. This battle isn’t about the physical issue I’m facing. It is against rulers, against powers, against the world forces of darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. This is where I will do battle Lord, and I will do it in prayer.”
It comes down to this –
We have to be able to let go of it all, surrender our hopes, dreams, wisdom, and strength to the only One who can help us. He knows how to lead us through every crisis. He is there to take our hand and gently guide us through it all.
Joy is there in the midst of it all. Reach out and grab the hand of the One who is reaching out to you.
And he said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee…”II Corinthians 12:9
Are you experiencing a crisis? Have you just come out the other side of one? Do you know others who are in crisis (hint: the answer is YES)?
Let me know how I can pray for you. Allow others to sit with you in your need, to give you a Love Covering.
Don’t go through your crisis, your hurt, your sorrow alone.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!